


Ridiculous Cannibal Noises

by tangerine (arte)



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - The French Mistake, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, M/M, Murder Husbands, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Paintball, Vampire Will
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:14:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5299637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arte/pseuds/tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just a list of my fic promts for Hannibal. There are many ideas floating in my brain right now and I need to put them somewhere. Would anyone like to write these?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. French Mistake AU 1

Anyone familiar with Supernatural episode called French Mistake? Basically, I want Mads to wake up in Hannibal universe.

-

 

It's 7:32 p.m., and the door to Hannibal's office is still closed. Will brushes his hand across his jacket, pondering. The greeting and the opening of the door is a ritual, a reminder that the doctor is the one setting the rules of their game. Hannibal wouldn't forgo the gesture without a reason.

Understanding is crucial, but in this case, speculation is useless. He has to face the man tonight regardless of the answer. He'd thrown a hook in the barn, fingers reluctantly pried from the trigger, and he needs to check how well it had landed. 

Imagining the smug doctor to be carefully poised behind the door, Will stands up and lets himself in. His eyes fleet through the office to find his target and land on a jacket, a vest, a tie haphazardly thrown over a chair.

Cognitive dissonance roots him on the spot. 

He's questioning his eyes again. He doesn't like the feeling.

Is Hannibal Lecter lying on a couch, hair in disarray, arms slung over his eyes, shoes off?

Will finds himself trying to adjust his non-existent cufflinks and stifles a frustrated noise.

"What are you doing?" Will asks after regaining his vocal control at last. 

"I'm wishing I'm high somewhere so that I'd wake up soon."

Hannibal sounds wrong. Voice slightly higher pitched. No contemplative drawl in his speech. It unsettles him to hear Hannibal unsettled. "What are you trying to wake up from?"

Hannibal sighs. He rubs his face tiredly and looks up at Will. He seems too human. "Could you drop the accent for my sanity's sake?"

"What accent?" Will says, making sure that no Southern lilt entered his words. 

"I just want you to speak to me the way you normally do."

"Am I not doing just that?" 

"Hugh, please."

Will frowns. "What did you just call me?"

Hannibal stares at him for a long moment, then groans. The sound is soon followed by a chuckle tinged with resignation and hysteria. "Oh, I'm so fucking screwed."


	2. Murder Husbands Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3x13. After the fall, Freddie Lounds writes a book about the Murder Husbands and it gets adapted to a movie. Will and Hannibal go go watch it.

Will cannot believe he's going along with this. "This is the height of narcissism," he says as the movie theater appears within the view. 

"When did little indulgence harm anyone?" Hannibal retorts cheerfully as he parks the car.

Will doesn't dignify that with answer. He gets out and sighs as the giant poster that boldly proclaims 'THE TRUEST, DARKEST LOVE STORY OF THE CENTURY' looms in front of him.

Will wants to go home already. 

"Promise me you won't go after anybody if this movie turns out to be a trash," Will says, only 10% joking. 

Hannibal hums. "I'd like to think that Ms. Lounds has more sense than to let her work sink into the mud."

Further arguing would be fruitless. For everyone's sake, Will hopes that the movie would be good.


	3. Freddie vs. Criminals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three prompts regarding Freddie.

1\. Abel Gideon is the Chesapeake Ripper, they said. He recreated the last known Ripper murder before his escape, not a detail wrong. Isn't that compelling enough?

No, actually, they said, Will Graham is the Chesapeake Ripper. He threw up an ear, made lures with the girls' hair, and left like forty physical evidences. The guy's definitely the killer.

(No you idiots, Will Graham said, Hannibal Lecter is the Chesapeake Ripper. I have no evidence whatsoever but I think so and that should be enough.)

But wait, they backtracked, turns out Frederick Chilton is the Chesapeake Ripper? He was feeding Gideon his own limbs and brutally killed two FBI agents in his house. 

Ew. 

This time, we're really sure we got the right guy, they said. Sorry for the confusion.

At this point, Chesapeake doesn't even sound like a real word. Everyone is the Chesapeake Ripper. Damn the evidence, what does it even mean anyway? They might as well vote for who the most likely killer is like the true democratic society they are. 

When her tablet starts to autocorrect 'Cheese cakes' into 'Chesapeake', Freddie Lounds deems that it's time to set up an online pole and chat room to let the public have a wild discussion. 

If nothing else, it was a highly entertaining move. Username Brownham and Usernane TheRedDragon were the best, in Freddie's opinion. They were respectively supportive of Graham and Lecter as the Ripper, and fought each other on how their chosen champion was clearly the best. 

Freddie really wanted to intervirw these serial killing fanboys one day.

2\. Freddie sometimes wonders how she got the reputation as a Serial Killer Anonymous's meeting board. These days, she feels more like a broker than a journalist, but as her position seems to grant her certain immunity, she decides to just roll with the wave. 

Still, it's kind of tiresome to keep getting kidnapped by one psychopath after another.

3\. Murder Husbands, as a way to teach Ms. Lounds a lesson, sets up a blog to post about serial killers. Together, they write the most vivid and hauntingly beautiful analysis on murders. Soon, Tattlecrime Readers abandon it in favor of reading the Murder Husbands' blog. Jack has a mild suspicion about who's behind that blog, but no one knows for sure.


	4. Demonic Detective Hannibal AU

Nogami Neuro AU

Please someone tell me they saw Japanese Manga called Majin Tantei Nogami Neuro. I really like this AU idea.

-

(Hannibal appears to be in his early 20s, and Will is in high school)

Basically, Hannibal is a demon who eats mysteries in the minds of humans, which are born when they pull off complicated tricks to get away with crime. When he dismantles the mystery and strips the culprit of all of their defenses, it releases the negative energies that caused the culprit to commit the crime, which he then consumes. The more complicated/asthetic the crime is, the more delicious the mystery tastes. 

Having eaten every puzzle in demonic realm, Hannibal came down to Earth to find an ultimate mystery that would fulfil him forever. 

The problem is, it is considered rude for demons to overtly show their activities in Earth. Earth is after all, human's realm. He needs a cover, a human puppet who would help him hunt down mysteries on his behalf.

Enter Will Graham, a high school student who just lost his father to a brutal murder. This murder is the first case Hannibal faces on Earth. He reveals his demonic nature to Will and tell him that he'd catch the murderer for him if Will agreed to be Hannibal's cover.

Will agreed, thinking that it's just going to be a one-time deal. 

Turns out, Hannibal was talking a permanent deal. Will gets blackmailed into playing a private detective for Hannibal. People think Hannibal is an accentric assistant of the genius detective Graham.

After solving Alana Bloom's case, a world famous singer who shockingly turned out to be a killer, Will becomes incredibly famous and gets sucked into helping police despite his young age. 

This, of course, is Hannibal's design.


	5. Demonic Detective Will AU

Role reversal for the AU idea in ch4. Will appears to be the same age as the show. Hannibal just quit being a surgeon, and studying to be a psychiatrist.

Will is a demon detective. Hannibal is the first human he comes across. He tries to intimidate Hannibal into cooperating. Hannibal agrees because he's curious.

Along the way, Hannibal asks Will what the ultimate mystery would be like. Will says that the manner of execution is important, but so is the intent. Complicated crime committed by a gun to the head won't taste good. Too artificial. The malice in the design has to be purely self-serving, intent in desperation, power trip or amusement. 

Hannibal listens, and wonders if he can generate mysteries without them ending up tasting artificial. After he becomes a psychiatrist, he pushes and prods patients, but doesn't ever threaten them. He doesn't tell Will about this pet project. He continues to solve crime and perpetuate crime. 

Will later finds this out and grins happily.


	6. French Mistake AU 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogues I want to see in this AU

Will doesn't know how to handle this. Is Hannibal feigning break down? Painting himself as a victim? Why would he do this after their agreement not to outright lie to each other? 

"God, where's cigarette when you need one," Hannibal mumbles after his hysterical laughter finally died down. 

"You smoke?" Will asks, face neutral despite the inner turmoil.

"Do you?" Hannibal returns, then shakes his head, ironic smile curling around his lips. "Now I'm playing Questions all by myself."

"Is this the time for self-reflection?"

"Not really," Hannibal shrugs, listless. "I'm just hoping that this is all a dream."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because," Hannibal says slowly. "I really don't want to think about, _Then where's real Hannibal Lecter?_ "

-

Will wonders what it says about his life that it is easier to believe that he's taking an actor from a show that features his life in some alternate universe to his home than to believe that his psychiatrist is suffering from a severe delusion. 

"You're taking this surprisingly well," Mads says, side-eyeing him from the passenger seat. 

"Honestly?" Will grips the wheel tightly. "It makes a surprising amount of sense that my life is somebody's idea of a joke."

Mads winces. Will is still not accustomed to seeing Hannibal's expression being so open. 

After a beat of uncomfortable silence, Will asks, "Does this work?"

"What?"

"My plan to catch Hannibal. Does this work?" 

Mads blinks at him. "I don't know. Hannibal is going to get caught at some point, but I don't know when." 

"How do you know he's going to get caught?"

"Well, in the movie-"

"There's a movie?"

"Hannibal Lecter series is very popular. This show is like, the third adaption," Mads says apologetically. 

Will takes a moment to imagine Hannibal's head exploding with too much ego, then waves his hand for Mads to continue. 

"Bryan, our writer, wants to deal with the movie plot in the next season. The movie starts with Hannibal Lecter behind the bars, so yeah, he's going to be captured. Eventually."

"Do you think my plan would succeed?"

"I think there's going to be lots of blood and pain regardless of the success," after a second he adds, "Lecter tries to gut Graham in the movie."

-

They try to discuss the logistics of sending Mads back to his world, but unfortunately, slipping into the mind of killers has zero utility when it comes to dealing with complicated dimension travel. 

So logically, they decides to get roaring drunk. 

"It's weird," Will says, staring at whiskey shimmering in light. "You look like Hannibal but you're so different from him. It's like walking into a haunted mansion, only to find out that someone has cleaned it up overnight."

"My God," Mads says. "You actually do speak like that in real life!"

"My life is real," Will retorts defensively. 

"Of course it is. It's just," Mads tries to convey something with his gesture, fails, and throws his hands up along with any semblance of subtlety. "Hannibal never shuts up!"

Will chokes on his whiskey, but doesn't care because that's the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. He's choking turns into a barking laughter. It's hard to breathe. Taking in a hard earned gulp of air, he asks, "Oh, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah. Scripts are coming late these days, you know? Pain in the ass to remember everything when he never shuts up."

Will giggles. "I wonder why no one complained about that to his face before."

"Not even you?" 

"Not even me. Maybe I should try. Would he try to eat me?"

"I don't know. He likes you very much."

"Didn't stop him from framing me for murder."

"Yeah, there's that," Mads muses for a second. "I wonder if he ever has difficulty with coming up with English words."

"You do?" 

"I'm Danish. English isn't the only second language I speak. Sometimes German words pop up in my head instead of English. Hugh says he can now see when I'm doing that. Like, I try to make it look like tense silence but I'm just desperately translating things in my head."

"Maybe Hannibal does that too. Now you're giving me ideas. I'm gonna laugh out loud at his face at this rate."

"Who knows. Maybe he'll like that."


	7. Vampire!Will and Human!Hannibal AU

Will didn't believe in vampires, werewolves, demons and ghosts. The only monsters in existence were humans. Those stories were coping mechanism, created to take the blame when humanity was too appalled by their own monstrosity. 

How ironic then, that Will himself became a part of the story. 

Contrary to what everyone assumed, he didn't because he got stabbed by the culprit. His gun stayed unfired not because of his empathy, but because of his certainty that he wouldn't be able to stop if he were to smell blood in that moment.

He got turned a mere week before that night. His newly forged instinct had told him that drinking human blood would make him surpass humanity, make him stronger, faster, deadlier. He'd been constantly hungry but he had endured, surviving on animal blood. He'd thought that he could continue that way however long it took. 

He hadn't considered how bloody the field work could become.

That night told him that he'd been wrong. That he'd be tempting fate if he remained as a cop. 

That's why he retired to become a teacher, still helping to put criminals behind the bar but in a blood free zone. 

When Jack Crawford came, asking to borrow his imagination, he laughed at his face without meaning to. 

He knew that it wouldn't end with eight dead girls if his monster was unleashed to the world. 

-

So what I want is vampire!Will and human!Hannibal. Hannibal is still the Ripper. Will's sense are dull and near human level because he didn't drink human blood not once he got turned. Drinking human blood is what grants vampires their power. 

Eating with Hannibal slowly wakes Will's power, along with his instinct. Hannibal doesn't know what Will is, but he's still curious. 

Will later figures out that Hannibal had been feeding him human after his vampire sense got awoken enough. He confronts Hannibal, but Hannibal turns the table by offering Will to take his blood.


	8. Five Supernatural Crossover Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that Supernatural and Hannibal are my two top fandoms? Have I mentioned how much I love crossovers? So many ideas.

1\. Chuck visits Will during season 2.

Chuck just had a vision that the Winchesters were going to Baltimore (way too many bodies without organs, man) and got treated to seeing one of Hannibal's cooking sessions as a cold open.

He does not want to see this anymore. His desire not to have anymore grotesque dream surpasses his natural shyness. He doesn't want to see Dean and Sam getting eaten, or eating human flesh. He goes out to find Will. He tries to convince Will to take Hannibal out of Baltimore next week for his sanity. 

They can bond over unwanted images and feelings overtaking their brains.

2\. Post 3x13 HW&DC

Hannibal and Will are at impasse of sort. Will acknowledges that he has a desire to kill but he doesn't actually want to do so. 

Then, Will gets attacked by a vampire. He shoots the guy in self defence but that doesn't wotk. He's in the state of what the fuck when Dean comes and chops off the guy's head. 

Hannibal and Cas come to the scene after a second. 

"Ah, shit," Dean says. "I can explain?"

And after that Dean gives a brief hunter 101. 

Will and Hannibal become hunters, combining brutal kills and saving people things into one. Yay. 

3\. Post 3x13

Remember how Sam's hobby is searching about serial killers? Yeah, he recognizes Hannibal Lecter's face the moment he sees him. 

Problem is, Will has near perfect memory and recognizes Dean Winchester's face from the wanted poster and the file that had clearly stated that he was dead. 

Murder Husbands' consider the Winchester brothers as their next target. Sam and Dean want to wrap up their case without being interrupted by serial killers. 

4\. Dean getting interrogated by the team

It was wrong place, wrong time thing, really. There was a wearwolf in the town, and Dean killed the guy with a silver bullet, but not before he killed his victim and took out his heart. 

It was just his luck that Dean was found with two dead bodies near him. By a FBI guy nonetheless. 

So he's carted off to get interrogated. Falling into his default frank-sarcastic mode, he said that he only killed the werewolf guy. Meanwhile he's praying to Cas to get Sam the hell away from town and get ready to fly Dean off the moment all the cops leave him alone. 

The woman (a psychiatrist of all things) slaps him with photos and ask if he did this to people because he thought they were monsters. 

"What the fuck," Dean says, jerking away from the photo of a guy whose tongue got cut and used as a bookmark. "What kind of psycho do you think I am? Wait, don't answer that."

"Do you think a monster did this?"

"Not in a traditional sense. This is just a human bullshit."

"Oh, why do you say that?"

"Only humans are this sick."

And of course, Hannibal is watching this behind the one way mirror. 

5\. Dean and Hannibal. Pie bake off. Bonus point if Dean wins because his pie tastes like 'home'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At any given moment, I'm likely to be juggling with at least three crossover ideas. *sigh*


	9. Strangulation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This dialogue and situation just came into my mind but is there a way this prompt won't turn into a smut? I can't write smuts although I could read the hell out of them x)

Set in post s3 Murder Husbands period

Some unsuspecting criminal kidnaps Hannibal. Will saves him and all's very well.

Except this experience makes Hannibal wonder, why is everyone so intent on trying to strangle him? There was Maison with his collar which almost choked him, Brown and his noose, and Jack and his ties. Three times a pattern and now even this no name criminal had tied his neck around the back of a chair. Will has been in plenty of dangerous situations but he never got strangled. Hannibal wonders if his neck is particularly stranglable. 

"Will, do you want to strangle me?" Hannibal asks. 

"In general, or now in particular?"

"In general," Hannibal says, putting Will's hand on his neck. "Everyone seems intent on trying."


	10. Life and Death

Hannibal as the God of Life, Will as the God of Death. 

Hannibal keeps killing his creations to give them to Will. Maybe Hannibal and Will can't meet directly, so those dead creatures are Hannibal's love letters. Will thinks things lose their vibrance once they're dead, he'd prefer to just watch them living, but he's also perversely delighted at Hannibal's gifts.


	11. Korean Folk Tale AU

There's actually a Korean folk tale where a woodcutter saves a deer's life (you see now why I'm telling you this story) from a hunter, and the deer shows its gratitude by pointing the woodcutter to the pond where angels come down from Heaven every month to take a bath. You see, the angels can only fly when they have their winged clothing, so if the woodcutter were to hide one of their clothing during their bath, the angel would be forced to stay on Earth, and the woodcutter would be able to marry them.

Like, this story would branch off wildly from its original story line (they marry and have children but the woodcutter lets the angel go back to Heaven when she becomes homesicked, the King of Heaven forbids her from returning to Earth despite her plea, the woodcutter finds the way to Heaven anyway and overcomes series of test to be acknowled as her husband, but misses his mother too much and asked to be returned home for visit. By a mistake, the woodcutter loses his chance to go back to Heaven, and pines after his wife forever. He becomes a rooster in his death) when applied to Hannigram, but I'd like to see Hannigram AU in this setting. Come on, there's already a deer in this story. It's practically asking to be written.


	12. Paintball

Someone must have written this at some point, where can I find it? 

Beverly, Price, Zeller, Alana, Hannibal, Will playing paintballs. Could be every person for themselves or it could be the BAU vs. Consultants. Jack and Abigail could join in too, maybe. Let Hannibal, Will, Alana and Abigail hunt togethef in a non bloody manner.


	13. Hyakki Yakoushou AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based on the Japanese comic called 'Hyakki Yakoushou'.

Will can see spirits and other supernatural creatures from young age. As a child, he comes close to death a few times because he is unable to distinguish the dead from the leaving.

Will's father, Bill, stumbles upon Hannibal when he gets lost in the forest. When Hannibal suggests a game of chess, Bill accepts, thinking nothing of it. The game becomes more and more scary, but Bill wins in the end. 

"What are you?" Bill asks in a shaky voice. 

"Does that really matter?" Hannibal smiles. "Deal's a deal. I would grant you one wish. What would you wish for?"

Bill wishes a guardian for Will, to keep him safe from supernatural creatures. 'Until Will's death' is the condition.

"If you let me die from non-supernatural cause, you'd be free," Will says when Hannibal relays the nature of his deal with Bill in Bill's funeral. 

"Clever boy," Hannibal says. "I do wish to taste your heart. But in the meanwhile, I'll content with eating dangerous spirits that come near you."

So, begins the adventure of Will and Hannibal, the dubious guardian.


	14. Hannibal Enchanted

Hannibal is cursed. If somone orders him to do something, that becomes precisely the thing Hannibal can't do. Hannibal can't tell others about his curse.

-

This has a chance to be either very very cracky or very very sad depending on the timing of Hannibal getting cursed.

Suppose Will said "Stay," after the event of 3x13? ..Yeah, my point.


End file.
